Just a blog about tonight (7/26/17)

I’ve already vlogged about Tat, and my love of her music, so I figured the only way that I can fangirl about the last time I saw her is in a blog that she will likely never read. (thumbs up)
Before anything, I’ve finished another set of Momos! I’ve kind of gotten the hang of it, but an issue i’m having is that my brush tip shape changes randomly and I can never get it to change back. It’s REALLY annoying, because it’ll happen on its own, and then fix itself on its own, in the middle of my working on something. Anyone who uses Photoshop to “ink” knows the importance of this, and how annoying it is. I have to resort to erasing to get the lines to have the shape I want, which really just adds an extra step an it’s annoying.
another preview

I’ve also been approved for solid foods! So I can pretty  much eat almost anything as long as I chew to a smooth consistency before I let travel down to my tiny lil stomach pouch. I’ve started treating it like a baby that will never be born. It kicks when it doesn’t like something, it makes me nauseous, it makes me hate food and it makes sleeping uncomfortable sometimes so why not? I might as well name it too. No idea what I would name it though. Help?

Okay now..

On the same day that I was approved for solid foods, I found out about yet another last minute show from Tat at Rockwood. I of course immediately hit up the usual suspects, and we agreed to meet at the venue since they would be working. Her set was short this time. I was told that it was because the band before her ran on longer than they were supposed to. I was kind of disappointed, mainly because I really wanted a chance to record a song I really liked. But since it was so short, she didn’t play it. Maybe next time I guess.

What we usually do, since these things are so small and intimate, is we walk to the back part of Rockwood, and wait in a different part of the venue for her to come out since people usually kind of pull her to the side once she walks off stage. We usually end up walking past her without her noticing, and she finds us later on, but for whatever reason, maybe it’s my new hair color, maybe it was just the right amount of empty in the place, but she saw us this time, and seemed genuinely happy to see us there.

I should mention that during her short set (it was 30 minutes long) I’d noticed, especially when she went to her bag for a bottle of water, that she didn’t have any empty glasses around her. Usually she finished one or two during the set, and would get another… but this time it seemed like she was performing sober.

I’m not going to pretend I know anything about her life. She’s not one to post things like that on hew newsfeed, which is fine. So I can’t say whether or not she has an issue with alcohol, though I don’t THINK she does, but seeing her perform 100% sober gave me a strange sense of… pride? Happiness? I have no idea. But I watched her sing and do her usual thing fully aware, and kind of.. pure. In comparison to the times I’ve seen her in the past. This time she was loud out of whatever need she had to be loud. Not because of her liquid courage.  (Though one thing that annoyed me was that everyone in this fucking place would not SHUT UP. Especially the people in the table behind ours up in the balcony. I thanked the unseen for their date going well enough for them to obnoxiously start making out with their annoying smacking sounds, because at least it was quieter than whatever nonsense the girl was spouting OVER THE MUSIC. I wanted to toss my drink at them. God. We’re here for music! IF you want to lounge, go to the back and get a table there! People are just… ugh. Either way Tat realized this, so she kind of kicked it up a notch and eventually got everyone to pay attention. She does have that kind of stage presence. It’s incredibly admirable).

She did tell us later on that she hadn’t had a drink, and I couldn’t help but shoot a look at Josie (one of my usual suspects) and nod at her, since I’d told her “hey… she’s not drinking!” before she started one of her songs. I felt the need to ask her if she was more or less nervous up there, if she felt better performing sober, if she was going to continue doing things this way, but it felt much too personal and I didn’t want her to feel like I was creepily prying into her life. I have a thing about being hyper aware of boundaries, and I don’t like crossing them … but then I told her about my surgery… so… maybe I should have? (^_^;)

Just the same… when we interacted with her she seemed more present too. I mean, it’s not something I ever noticed before. Likely because I also drink every single time I go to Rockwood, and this time all I had was one or two sips of beer, and a few sips of a cocktail, nowhere near enough to make me feel any kind of buzz other than in my belly (I know. Bad girl. But really to say that I was “nursing” these drinks was probably too generous of a word).  Usually when we meet with her, she stops, says hi, we share an awkward shy word or two (on our part) she expresses her thanks, tells us about her new music, and then moves on to the next person. Sometimes she doesn’t even stick around for more than an hour or so, and none of us EVER stay until the bar closes down. That night was ,.. different.

After the set, we waited in the back and chilled out for a bit. B-kun and Josie wanted to go out for a smoke break so we did, and seconds after we came back she walked over to us and we all group hugged her.

I’ll avoid all the creepy shit I’d normally say, and just mention here that she’s beautiful inside and out haha

We talked for a while about her music as per the usual, she dropped some knowledge about the timing of releases and what not, and gave us an estimate on her music. I’m REALLY excited for it. Judging from the little tastes she gives us from time to time (i’ll link a video for you) it’s shaping up to be the kind of album you go back to on those certain days where you need it. It’s support music. I mean that’s what it always has been for me…I hope you get what I mean.

I’d love to pour over every single detail of this night, because i’m obsessive that way, but I won’t bore you.

But here are some highlights:
-I managed to tell her about my surgery, which she was curious about, and followed with some more knowledge about the difference between cows here and cows in Europe which was kind of mind blowing.
-Found out that she walked on ten feet of hot coals days prior. She immediately became too cool for me. The irony in this sentence.
-She got down on one knee at some point to thank me for showing up to all of her NY shows, which gave me monstrous butterflies. It was all a two second joke obviously.
-She introduced us to her group of besties, of which we actually spoke to, and got to know one. She’s a super cool student, who studied fine arts, and is INSANELY talented. She is probably the first person I’ve ever met with actual BIG and noble dreams. I’m just a storyteller who wants to record and share everything. It just… throws things into perspective.

At the end of the night, we did end up staying until Rockwood closed, which as I said before, is completely new for us. We all left at the same time, and split up to go our separate ways, and got some fruit on the way home, since our usual spot, 2Bros in Saint Marks, was out of good slices (they only had mushroom and Hawaiian.. and I don’t say no to good Pineapple slices… I just say no to Ham. I don’t like the taste or texture.)

At the end of the night, my left foot was killing me, my back hurt, and I was DEAD tired from such a busy and socially active night… the first in over a month. But it was so worth it.

AND my outfit consisted mainly of articles of clothing that previously didn’t fit me, but now, one month out of my VSG, they do. I really can’t wait for the six month mark. I’ll be able to revamp my entire closet at that point (if the unseen would grant me the money to do so anyway).

Thanks for reading this insanely long blog. I just needed to dump my thoughts somewhere, the way I always do. Thanks for wanting to know what they are haha.

VSG: 6/26/17
TW: 440
CW: 390
Goal: 170


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