I’m hoping that someone gets that DDR pun.
I know I’ve been posting about a lot of old stuff recently.
I really just didn’t want my old stuff to go unused, since I liked what I wrote in most of them. In others I really just didn’t want them to disappear. I imported them from my old blog and scheduled them, hoping that it might get me going. Which is has!
I have a few new ones coming up that aren’t about 7 year old movies or 15 year old comics haha
But right now, I want to talk about my personal issues. This is my blog after all… it’s not just for reviewing and keeping track of the things I watch and read (and in some cases create) it’s also a journal for me.
I had surgery last Monday. The big VSG. It is proving to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my entire life.
I mean obviously it isn’t meant to be easy, or everyone would do it. But the clear liquid diet has me at the point where I’m basically disgusted by anything but water, and I’d rather fight to eat a mashed up banana, than to sip on some chicken broth. I mean honestly, I was a HUGE fan of Miso soup before this, and now it’s like… ew. Get it away. FAR AWAY.
Miso soup to me, is like Uncle Vernon to Harry’s Hogwarts acceptance letters. Put it where it can’t find me.
I’m one week out of surgery, and I haven’t been able to do much in terms of productivity. I don’t think many people expect it, but I thought I could get some serious work done. But my recovery in the hospital was twice as long as it should have been, and once I got home, I’ve been too mopey, too depressed, too hungry, and too much in pain to really do anything other than be a fat loaf and sleep after watching YouTube, and drinking water.
Today felt like my first good day, and that’s because I was a bad girl. I got sick of not eating, so I boiled an egg, mashed it up, and sat here for an hour, liquefying it with my teeth and reveling in the salty greatness of it. Can you believe it? It took me an HOUR to finish ONE EGG!
I’m okay with this really. I’m just glad that I can EAT a damned egg. I’d rather survive off of this than soup. I wasn’t a huge fan of broth or non creamy soups before, and i’m less a fan now that I was forced to survive on them for a week. Miso was my one exception, but i’m learning that’s just because it was a pre-cursor to sushi. Now I don’t care if I never see a bowl of Miso ever again, and I have a whole TUB of Miso paste in my fridge. (T_T)
It’s such a slow and depressing ride you know? Realizing your unhealthy relationship with food. Today I spent a literal hour on bariatric forums, reading the thoughts that I had, coming from someone else.
“Will I ever be able to eat normally again?”
“How long does this take?”
“Is it true that I can NEVER have Ice cream again?!”
“How long before I can eat solids?!”
I learned quickly that dietitians jobs are to be your boogeyman. Which isn’t very effective when you’re me and you have Google at your disposal. I’ve even heard them say on several occasions “don’t Google stuff, and don’t listen to the internet” and before, I thought “well maybe it’s because our procedures are different” but… it’s really just because they want us to follow those strict guidelines. I get it.
But I don’t like being told what to do.
I like being worked with. Not commanded.
Sure I sound spoiled probably. I probably sound like one of those people whose results will probably reverse within the year. But I promise I will do everything within my power to not let that happen. I’m not going to push my stomach, I just don’t like to be told that I have to be SCARED of food. It’s my fuel after all.
I already have a metal DDR mat waiting for me in the corner of my room. I can’t lift it yet since i’m not fully healed, but once I can, i’ll be putting in some hours just like I was prior to surgery.
Just you wait. I’m gonna reach my goal.
And I’m gonna have fun doing it.
Highest Weight: 440
Weight At Surgery: 428
Current Weight: ??? (Need to get a scale)
Surgery Date: June 26th, 2017